May 28, 2013
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Thoughts Of An Adopted Child, Now Grown
I was adopted as a child, so the only blood relative I know is my brother; Half-brother, actually. The couple who had adopted my older brother were asked if they wanted me also. They jumped at the chance. I see shows about adults looking for their “real” family and I can identify with them. While growing up, I too often had the feeling of not belonging, not only at home but anywhere. I always feel I am on the edge of most groups I am involved in, a visitor, an outsider. It is rare to feel like I truly belong. But I don’t feel the burning need to find my biological parents, as some people do. The people who raised me are my parents. They are the ones who took care of me, tried to teach me right from wrong, and encouraged me to be the best I can. I know the name of my biological mother and wish her well, but I can’t give her either credit or blame for who or what I am. She was in prison when I was born (bad checks). If abortion had been legal, I might not even have been born. I do give her credit for giving me up so I could be raised in a good home with a loving family. My adoptive parents treated all children as if they were their own. They had 2 adopted sons and 1 adopted daughter. They also took in a dozen foster sons over the years.
Comments (23)
I feel like that a lot, and I wasn’t even adopted. Hmmm
I don’t know my father, but I never had the strong desire to seek him out. He knows where I am.
I love families who open their homes and hearts to children to adopt or foster kids. It sounds like you had great parents.
I think if it were me I would want to see my biological parents at least once, just out of interest really to know who they were and things, but my adopted parents would always be my parents. But I have no idea really, not being adopted and all.
Good for you for adopting and taking in foster kids, we need more people who are willing to do that. =)
I’ve never understood why adopted people feel the need to find their biological parents but, as someone who comes from a loving home with no serious issues, I can’t possibly claim to understand that.
I was adopted too. I’ve been thinking about writing my story, but I haven’t done it yet. I was lucky to get a loving home as well, and I don’t really have the need to go find my biological parents either.
As an adopted woman who has found her biological parents, let me caution you that no matter what you may have imagined, the truth can be very painful. It is possible that a reconcilation could occur, but it is just as possible that major pain will be inflicted.
To answer the question of why adopted children want to find their biological parents, consider this: When a group of people get together and begin to compare which ancestor a child resembles, the adopted child has no frame of reference. A life of question marks is a life that often begs to be answered.
I was not adopted but even in my own family, to this day, feel as an outsider looking in. My personality has never meshed with anyone elses, especially my mother’s. Family friends have adopted me in their own way, letting meknow I had a place to go if ever one was needed, which there were on multiple occasions. At least parents who adopt have some sort of pre-requisite to meet before adopting. Wish more parents had that requirement, especailly today. Maybe less of us would be screwed up.
I am sorry you feel this way, there is this book entitled Somebody Loved me By Jillian Ryan her testimony reminds me of your story, if you get a chance you should read it
In Christs Love
Michelle~
I remember you telling me about this when I was having the predicament with my two friends, Have you ever spoken to your bio mother, or felt the need to if you havent? Its very interesting that you brought up the topic of abortion, from what I know, all of the friends I know whov’e been adopted are thankful to be here… THe two topics bring a circle of questions to my head haha
this was deep. thank you for the thought-evoking entry.
one of my friends is adopted. I think he feels the same way as you do in terms of the biological parents, but sadly his adopted mother recently died and his adoptive father wasn’t really in his life..
I think its nice you have a blood relative you grew up with
Bless your adoptive parents! I adopted my son when he was 21. As for feeling like you are on the outside looking in…..ditto!
Why don’t you feel like you belong anywhere? : (
Wow. Your parents sound like amazing people.
@JupitersDays - Yeah; I think so. Thanks.
I like your parents. A lot.
I respect your mother. Somewhat.
Kudos to them for loving children no matter who contributed to their being born! They gave you a sense of love and wanting you around. It’s nice to see that you and they become family.
I definitely hear you and feel what you go through. I gave my daughter up for adoption and I have to keep it in my mind that she may never want to know who I am. I hope she does, because I didn’t do it for reason of lack of love. I did want her and if the situation were completely different, I most definitely would have kept her.
I understand what you mean about your parents. They were always your real mother and father regardless of blood relations, however depending on circumstances, you may want to put yourself in your biological mother’s shoes. People make mistakes all through their lives. They reflect on them and have trouble dealing with them. Wishing there was a way they could take it back or maybe rectify it.
I will NEVER try to push myself on my daughter (can I even call her that?). If she wants to know me and have a relationship with me, the door is open. Like I stated before I know her parents now are her parents and out of respect for them and her, I stay out. It has to be totally up to her and her alone. It is your decision if you want relations with your biological family or not and I commend you for discussing this. I’m sure it’s hard.
Awesome parents.
You really are one of the lucky ones. Does it make things different knowing who your birth mother is?
@Miracles33 - I couldn’t say. I only know a name (a very common name) and a couple of details, and those I found out very much later in life. I have not really tried to find out more.
This is heartwarming.
@schmeeglee - Thanks for reading; glad you enjoyed it.