I occasionally let my Xanga friends know that I love them, and care about them, whether or not I personally know them.  I have been told a couple of times that my expressions of love are “random”, and I guess sometimes they are.  This is sometimes met with skepticism, or even hostility.  “How could you love so many people, especially if you don’t even know them?”

The answer is that I am open to getting to know my Xanga friends as well as they want.  I actually don’t differentiate between internet friends and friends “In Real Life, or IRL”  I consider you all my friends.  When I see a person is particularly depressed or hurting, or in need of a friend that cares,  I let them know I am open to listening, and that I honestly do care that they are hurting, and want them to feel better. 

People blog about their pain, and I read that, and want them to know I do care.  Once I have started to care about you, I can’t turn that off, even if you don’t believe I care, or for whatever reason, my caring makes you uncomfortable.

You are a person, and as such, you deserve to be loved, and to know somebody cares.

Jesus Christ was a Jew. Most people know that much. I’m not sure that he intended to have his followers split from Judaism and start a new religion called Christianity. I believe he simply wanted to teach his fellow Jews, and anyone else who would listen, to be more devout in their worship of God. At the time when Jesus lived, many in that part of the world were trying to decide what they believed about God, and how best to live as God-fearing people.

Myself, I don’t believe he was literally, physically the Son of God. I believe Christ lived, and that he was a great philosopher & religious leader. He taught many valuable principles of how mankind could live in peace with others. I personally don’t believe in the Immaculate Conception. I believe he was purely a human being. This takes nothing away from the influence he had on Mankind at all.

I’m not sure Jesus Christ himself believed he was “literally”, physically the Son of God. He does refer to God as the Father of all Mankind. Just as when Europeans came to America, they referred to the king as “The Great White Father” when dealing with the natives. When saying the Lord’s Prayer, Christians say “Our father, who art in Heaven”, and yet they are not saying God is actually their father. All, or at least a vast majority, would tell you they have an actual human man who fathered them.

In recent years, I have found I have very little desire for unnecessary material possessions. Not that I’m immune to temptation, but I actually find myself being a little sick and ashamed of myself when I see something that looks cool, but which I don’t need, and find myself thinking, “I wish I had that”.

What makes me feel good is knowing people who are important to me love me and think about me. My daughter told me she saw a wolf mug she wanted to get me as a gift for Father’s Day, but it cost $40. She and her boyfriend recently moved into a new apartment, and she is not working right now. I told her that the fact she was thinking about me truly meant more to me than owning the item ever could. I had told her the same thing a while back, when she saw a wolf-themed table for sale, and wanted to buy it, but couldn’t.

I told her what she could do next time is take a picture of the item and send it to me with a message saying, “Hey, I saw this and thought of you.”, then spend the money on something she really needs. That way, I said, everybody wins.

My father-in-law came over and took me out to look for job applications and do some shopping. I got a couple of job apps, and ought some things I needed. Afterward he treated me to dinner at Applebee’s. Our food was good and when we were about ready to leave another group of customers came in and were being seated. Our waitress greeted them, and gave one of the young ladies a hug. I’m sure they must have been friends.

I told the waitress I was going to complain about her. When she asked why, I said, “I didn’t get any hugs!!!”

She got kind of flustered, then said, “I’ll hug you!!!” and we did kind of a half-hug.

When we got outside, I told my father-in-law, “I was mostly just teasing her, but that was kind of nice. That was the first physical contact I’ve had with another human being (other than shaking hands) in a month!!!”

The job I recently started did not work out. I am not entirely surprised, as it was a totally different type of job than I am used to, and good at. The job was doing odd jobs in a warehouse, as well as loading semi trailers when needed. If I had stayed, I would probably have ended up in production, or packing. They want people who are fast workers, and I am the first to admit I am not a real fast worker.

What I am good at, and enjoy, is dealing with people. Customer service. My favorite jobs since leaving the Security Police job I held for most of my adult life have been as a cashier, taking reservations for a resort by phone and running children’s rides at an amusement park.

I am trying to look on the bright side. I have 9 days’ pay coming to me that I did not have coming to me before. I will find a job eventually, and probably one I like better, and maybe even one that pays more. I will also get past these rough personal times. Intellectually, I know that.

I have to admit, though, I am feeling a bit discouraged, in addition to the loneliness and sadness I have already been feeling. It’s hard to fight the dark thoughts that I am a burden to everybody, and that maybe it would be better for everybody if I wasn’t around at all.

I hope you are feeling well today. I’m basically doing well, myself. That said, although I am not normally a churchgoer I stopped in at a church this morning, thinking it might be good to be around people, but the emotional environment was too much. I had to leave. I went and did laundry instead. Talking to a few people, including a little girl, was good for me.
I sometimes almost break down crying at work, or just random times ad places when the thoughts and feelings overwhelm me. Church multiplied that many times.

I have actually been meaning to do this post for a while now, but it seems very appropriate given some things that are going on now.

Being frugal, to a degree, is a good thing. More and more, though, a lot of people are going to great lengths to get things while paying a fraction of what they are worth. They are all about getting a great bargain. The ultimate is if they can get something at no cost to themselves. Extreme couponing is a big thing right now. I have seen a show which said that people’s expectation of always getting a deep discount is hurting retail business, and our economy as a whole is suffering.

I worked n the 2012 tourist season at a resort that included a large amusement park with water attractions and “dry rides”, meaning go karts and other rides, and also offered games customers could play and sold food and beverages.

The owners owned or controlled a number of hotels. Anyone who stayed at those got access to the amusement park and waterpark facilities included. A one-night stay included two days use of the facilities. People not staying at those places could also come, and it was pretty easy to get “free” basic passes which included access to the waterpark. There was a fairly small charge to upgrade to a pass that gave access to the go karts and most other rides. A few extreme rides were available for a separate charge.

For customers not staying at the resort, during the season, from Memorial Day Weekend to Labor Day, there was a $10 charge for parking.

Many people got FURIOUS at the idea that they had to pay to park. I saw a number of people come in with FREE passes to the waterpark valued at over $100, who cursed and left without going to the waterpark, saying it was “bullshit” that they should have to pay to park. Many of those who did use their free passes did not upgrade their passes, brought their own food which they went to their car to eat, and spent no money the entire day.

Let me tell you a secret. There is NO SUCH THING as FREE STUFF!!! When you drive to MacDonald’s, or any other restaurant, the cost of parking in their parking lot is figured in to the price of your food. Anything that is given at no charge to you still costs everybody else that pays to eat there. Even promotional items that are given away are not free. They are a business expense, and their purpose is to get more people to do business with that company, and bring in more profit.

Xanga’s basic service has been free as long as I have been around here. I have seen through the years where several people who had “basic” Xanga thought “PREMIUM” should be free. I see there is talk that Xanga may go under, or need to start charging people to use it. I have been paying for PREMIUM for several years. People are furious, though, at the thought that they should be asked to pay, and many are saying they will go elsewhere instead. I think that is a shame. Personally, I have not seen another online site that achieved the sense of community Xanga has. I use facebook regularly, but I don’t get anything approaching the level of traffic and interaction I get on Xanga. I also have a couple of other sites I rarely use, because traffic and comments are pretty much non-existent.

Please send me a private message with a link to your facebook. I will add you, unless of course you have been someone who has made hateful, disrespectful comments to me or to my Xanga friends on a regular basis. If Xanga shuts down, please know I will remember our time together here fondly. So far I have not seen another online community that is as personal as Xanga.