July 24, 2013
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Sex Without Emotions
A lot of people talk about having “fuck buddies”, or “friends with benefits”, and sometimes they actually say they just want “sex with no emotions”
I call that bullshit, or maybe denial. I could definitely have a female friend that I also sometimes had sex with; I absolutely could. However, let’s remember the “buddies” and “friends” part of those terms. If you called a friend and said you really didn’t want to be alone, and asked if you could get together, and they blew you off without caring that you need them, how would you feel about them as a friend? You’re starting to get an idea what I mean now, right?
Even during so-called casual sex, or for that matter, while masturbating, most people imagine they are with another human being, a farm animal, or (*shudders*) SOMETHING!!! Even a rape fantasy, or actual rape, involves the reaction of another living being.
So guys and gals, if you wanna be a player and think “sex without emotions” sounds so great, imagine finding a total stranger and having sex with them. It can be someone you encounter by accident, a prostitute, or an encounter with someone you meet through an ad. Make sure they ABSOLUTELY know you have no feelings for them at ALL. Make them repeat it back to you, or sign a contract maybe.
Drinks or dinner to set the mood? No; there is no mood. Small talk about past life, sexual predilections, where you’re from, et cetera? Talk afterward about how enjoyable (or unenjoyable)the encounter was? NOT HAPPENING!!! No emotions, remember?
I know if I am going to fool around with, or have sex with, someone, I want it to be a fond memory for me, and them too. It may not be LOVE. I’m not saying we’re gonna get married and have babies, but I’m sure as Hell gonna care about them intensely while we are together.
Comments (58)
But I think you take the whole “no emotions” thing too far, and what they mean is simply that they don’t want the complicated emotional constructs that come with relationships. That’s a different thing. I agree completely with you about “no emotions,” taken literally. Not possible for people with a conscience.
@Wait_by_Moonlight - I do exaggerate to prove my point. Thanks for reading!!!
@Wait_by_Moonlight - I can’t always change my SOCKS with no emotions. People definitely merit emotions!!!
I think it’s possible. If aromantic asexuals exist (People with no sexual desires or interest in romance) then it’s just as possible that aromantic sexuals exist as well. Something has to exist on the other side of the spectrum. If there are people who don’t want sex and are interested in just intimacy, then it’s just as likely that horn-dogs with no interest in establishing a romantic relationship are out there.
@lonelywanderer2 - Definitely. But you must admit, it does occasionally muddy the waters relationship-wise, which is why I wouldn’t get into one of those arrangements.
@PervyPenguin - You are probably right!
wtfff why won’t Xanga let me comment this??? I wrote a long ass comment and an error popped up. errrrrrrrrrrrr
Great post! I agree totally!
@Wait_by_Moonlight - Oh yeah; those waters are definitely murky!!!
@HeLLo_Bianca - I hate it when that happens!!!
Fuck man. Okay now I’ll try again.I think having some kind of emotional attachment is important when it comes to having sex. I’ve slept with a few of my friends and I didn’t care about one of them at all and the sex was mediocre. The others.. I cared about them as friends and thought they were great people so the sex was awesome. I had a fuck buddy who was a guy I had previously dated and he was honestly the best sex I’ve ever had. Even though I fell out of love with him, the sex was still mind blowing. I need some kind of emotional attachment to a man if I’m going to sleep with them, I think. The mediocre sex guy was a 4 years ago so who knows, maybe now I could screw random guys and the sex would still be great
@lonelywanderer2 - I made 4 attempts to comment this haha
@HeLLo_Bianca - I’ve started copying my comments before I hit submit, just in case, so I don’t have to start over. I like your attitude on this!!!
It’s a more “No strings attached” basically not emotionless because friends obviously have a connection or attraction. But, they don’t want to complicate it by forming a relationship or they aren’t on the same level so casual sex was their only option to feel a release. I don’t know…
I watched “No Strings Attached” tonight. (same premise) It was interesting…and didn’t work. I am a very well balanced emotional person…i’m accused of crying for no reason, which is never the case. I do cry easily, but always for a reason. Yet for as emotional as I can be, I’m also very much able to put them in a box and deal with issues without being all dramatic and emotional. I rarely need to talk about “how that hurt me”…I’m more the type who stands on, “this happened and that happened”…and “you said this and i said that”. I’m very matter of fact. I’ve been told, more like a man, in this area. Sometimes I wish I was allowed to be emotional about stuff and not have to feel so rigid…masked…hiding who I am…and what I feel, from the world. Someday…I want to be first, most, best, wanted.
I’d have to say I agree to an extent. I mean, at the moment I’m sleeping with my best friend, and I do have feelings for him, and I try to seperate the physical from the emotional but that’s pretty much impossible…I’m not in love with him or anything, and I wouldn’t be devistated or heartbroken if we stopped having sex or he decided he wanted someone else romantically and we had to stop – but I would be hurt, for sure, and I would be heartbroken and devistated if our friendship ended, because I do love him as a friend. We’ve been best friends for four years and he means more to me then he knows.But I had a random hookup with a guy who I knew through mutal friends. Like we knew each other and I guess we were sort of friends, not really. He’s kind of an asshole and I don’t talk to him much, nor do I care about him really. But we did have sex, twice. Once while I was sober and once where I was so drunk I could barely stand up. I wouldn’t have done it the second time had I not been drunk. Point is, I don’t really care about him. I mean he could fall off the face of the earth and I probably wouldn’t blink an eye. The only time I ever bring him up is if we’re discussing sex, like right now xD because I did have sex with him. Which I guess make him significant in my life? I don’t know. I don’t think so. The sex I’m having now with my best friend is much more significant because he’s my best friend. So yeah. I don’t know about “emotionless sex” but you can totally have sex without getting attached/falling in love with the person.
@pinktiger335 - I understand; I have seen posts, though, about people who keep the “friend” around for the sex, but insist, even tell them outright, they have absolutely no feelings for them. They would be History in a heartbeat, I would think. @ButYouSeeTheRealMe - Love will find you when you least expect it, or think you have given up on it completely. @omgroxie - Agreed.
I loved that last sentence!
@lonelywanderer2 - it’s safe to say, even now, i think i’m there. the given up part.
@lonelywanderer2 - yea I see what you’re saying… that’s when the friendship ends… there was no balance. It’s something really hard to do but seriously when a person does it… you have to learn to separate what you feel in your heart (like lock it in the attic for a bit) so that you don’t start having feelings (love/hate) for a person. It’s hard to explain but I’ve done it before… after you just continue like nothing happened… but it’s takes a lot and it’s sad.
@pinktiger335 - I have a friend on here who was strung along for the longest time by her “friend with benefits”. He even hinted he might really care when he thought she might really cut off the sex, and just being there when HE wanted her around. I gave him him the benefit of the doubt for a long while, and thought it sounded like he was “coming around” and might someday be “ready to commit”. Of course, it tore her heart up. What a bastard!!!
@lonelywanderer2 - yea, that’s the thing about it… They never come around. And they never commit. So the faster especially ladies, who sometimes confuse intimacy with a possibility of a relationship, get it through their heads they wont get hurt. Some gentlemen will use all means possible to confuse the lady. But, he could have used that for her favor and turn the tables around with the sex if she would have wanted but he knew her too well. Yea, I’ve been played myself. it gives her experience at least … heart breaks hurt but we learn.
I’ve said as much to others in the past, wanting or trying out the same thing. Failed everytime. Do it once … maybe twice and never ever do it again with the same person. Then maybe you can fool yourself that you don’t have an emotional attachment. I doubt it though.Good Post!
I LOVE SEX (mentioned how much in my last post), but I want there to be some kind of connection there….otherwise I’ll just do myself. I really do want him to care about me. Having been around the block a few times…that’s just how I feel. Good post!HUGS!
i liked this post and i liked the first comment.well put
@SliverLines - I totally agree!!!
@lonelywanderer2 - lol. i would hope so.
There is such thing as an attractional sexual emotion and no love. I met this real nice looking woman at a club one night. We hit it off real quick. When we danced we were really into one another. Sex was really intense and thats all it was just sex…no love. Also guys are different then women. Fo us, its all about the sex. I guess thats why they say we are like dogs. You know, have sex, roll over and play dead. So.. really this “emotional thing” no matter how loving a guy wants to portray himself, is not really necessary in the makeup of a man to have sex without any kind of love.
Interesting discussion but the best line, in my opinion, is one of your comments. ”I can’t change my socks without emotion.” I’ll censor any other thoughts I might have about sex and socks….
I once had sex with a guy I hardly knew (I’d say we were acquaintances with how little contact we had prior to that night), and while I thought that the sex itself was good, to me the overall experience was odd and didn’t compare to when I had been with a guy I thought I loved.I’m not really a fan of the concept of “fuck buddies” or FWB. I have sex with someone because I have a good connection with them on levels beyond “damn he’s hot” and because I hope/expect that that relationship will continue to grow and be serious/mature. I can’t have sex with someone just to release pent-up sexual frustration…. that’s why toys were invented
hahaha
lol i love sex too but i need the emotional connection to make it wonderful. i couldn’t do a fuck buddy i need more to enjoy it
@vexations - That line was facetious, but now that you mention it, very few things look sexier than a lady wearing pretty socks and nothing else!!! I have absolutely GOOGLED that!
I have a friend like that. She insists she only wants to fool around with guys she doesn’t give a damn about. I don’t get it o.0M
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter - Even lust involves emotion. I said it doesn’t have to be love. I’m guessing she didn’t just lay there. @Cestovatelka - Thanks for sharing that! @Eyesbehindthesoul - I think if it were to be close to purely physical, for me, it would need to be someone I wouldn’t be running into in the normal course of things. Even then, like I said, I would care about her feelings while we were together.
@sonnigenmai - Sounds like she’s trying to avoid being hurt.
@lonelywanderer2 - But then she doesn’t “come on” to guys she does care about. It’s like she’s hurting herself a lot more in the long run. The best is a combination of LOVE and SEX….M
@sonnigenmai - Absolutely. I hope she finds that someday, and she probably will, when she is ready. Some guy will treat her well enough to get her to let herself be vulnerable.
I think you’re being too general. There are lots of different types of people in this world. Just because you don’t see how someone could handle it, doesn’t mean that they can’t.
I dig where you’re coming from.
It’s why I don’t do the whole fuck buddy thing. I invest my emotions in the people who I do want to be close and intimate with and develop a relationship. I will eventually become attached to them if I were ever to start.
Mmmm interesting post. Is it possible to be just friends and have sex too. Wouldn’t that complicate things?
Amen! I just can’t do the whole no emotions sex thing myself and I don’t understand how other people can do it. To me, sex is so personal and private that I just can’t see how it cannot have some level of friendship or intimacy and still be good and everybody feel okay about it. I value the fact that I’m not going to be sharing my body with very many people in my lifetime, so why should I de-value sex and myself like that. Even the one time I had a one night stand, it was under the guise of getting to know that person and a couple of dates before it happened…and even then I vowed to never have sex with someone again unless I felt absolutely sure that they were at least a good friend of mine that really cared about me, unlike the guy who was the one night stand who showed himself to be clearly not my friend.
@lonelywanderer2 - You? Exaggerating?! Never!!! Haha.I feel the same way you do though. I’ve had a couple of friends with benefits, and I cared about them immensely as friends… otherwise, I couldn’t have let them inside of me.
@The_Eyes_Of_A_Painter - I agree with this but females can also act like “dogs”. I’ve had men over for the deed then kicked their ass out directly after. Each was quite pleased and expected nothing more from me. Had they expected more, I wouldn’t have invited them over. OP: I am able to completely remove emotion from fucking. As a (former) player, sex can be intimate for me or the exact opposite; I have done the latter numerous times before. However, I much prefer intimate-in-love sex.For me, holding hands, a passionate kiss, or cuddling is 100x more intimate than sex. I hardly ever kissed my fucks, holding hands was completely out of the question, and cuddling with them would have been disgusting.Only a truly special person deserves my cuddles.
Emotions makes sex so much better though!
I can’t do it. There is no way that I would have sex for the sake of sex with someone I didn’t really know, or that I knew casually or marginally. Nope. Not gonna happen. I could, however, see having sex with a good friend if we could both be sure that it wouldn’t ruin the friendship. I could see wanting to be physically close to someone who is already a tried and true friend (I mean, were talking knowing each other for years… and having a history together as friends) but with someone that I dont really know? Uh uh.
All of this sex scares me to think of the STD’s being passed around and better to have a friends with benefits who you know is clean and without std’s and be safe.
For me, Sex=Love. Its just how my brain is programmed.
I would say that for the most part, the only people who talk about “emotionless sex” are the ones not having it- i.e., the people shaming others for having sex in non-monogamous relationships. Or people use it to refer to something they’ve done in the past, because after a while they start becoming embarrassed by their youthful promiscuity, but rarely does anyone actually engaging in casual sex call it emotionless.
@AdamsWomanFell - yep
good point!
I think there are always emotions involved. No matter what the relationship between the people having sex are. Those emotions could be love, lust, like, or even just, “I need to be with someone to feel a connection and I don’t care who it is.” I think too many people consider themselves “friends” with benefits, but in reality it’s more of just a booty call. Like you said, when you really need that other person as a friend, will they be there?
@thegirlwiththecamera - You just brought tears to my eyes! Hope we get to chat soon; beautiful lady!!! HUGS
The tags form a body of a woman, no?
As someone who is incapable of feeling love or any sort of emotional connection with others, that’s all sex is for me. It’s purely for physical pleasure. The scenario you described? I can and have done it dozens of times. I’ve fucked women I met only hours (in some cases minutes) prior in a bar or nightclub. It *IS* possible.
I can’t enjoy sex without emotions. I feel that it is essential to fuel passion and intimacy. And without intimacy, sex wouldn’t be pleasurable. At least that’s how I feel anyways. I couldn’t have casual sex either. For me to be sexually turned on, I would need mental/emotional stimulation. Guess you can say I’m sapiosexual. Lol
I still agree with the comment I left here before. I still want caring and positive emotions involved. Good post! HUGS!!!
@secretbeerreporter - Whatever works for you. @Annieothergirl - Sapiosexual…cool, a new word added to my vocabulary!!! @adamswomanback - HUGS back at ya!!!